DAY ELEVEN


phyllis diller

Today was a big day!  I made it to the halfway point and was able to introduce protein back into my repertoire of foods.

I remember when I was just getting started with the cleanse (a whopping eleven days ago), I had a hard time imagining myself at this point. I could not see myself progressing through the first difficult days and never believed I would ever actually fall into a groove. I assumed I would simply struggle through the whole process until I got to the end. Plus, the thought of managing through eleven long days before I could consume protein seemed unimaginable. Yet, tonight, when I sat down to dinner with my family and my husband kindly prepared a beautiful plate for me, I first dug into the broccoli and asparagus, the foods that have become my close companions over the past week and a half, before I dared to cut into the most delicious chicken I have ever eaten. It surprised me and was noteworthy. My taste buds have changed a bit and I have really grown to love the experience of eating this way. I would never have forecasted that outcome. My guess would have been this was an endurance challenge rather than a truly transformational experience. Color me surprised!

What I consumed:

  • Cleanse Shake with strawberries, pineapple and banana (this has become my go-to breakfast – love that pineapple!)
  • Lentil soup
  • Chicken in a lemon, olive oil and shallot sauce
  • Quinoa
  • Steamed broccoli with sea salt
  • Steamed asparagus with sea salt
  • 6 dates
  • 19 gigantic supplement capsules
  • 64 oz water

Today was the first time I had to have a business meeting in a restaurant since I began the program. It was just a meeting over coffee and I comfortably ordered a glass of water and did not make excuses as to why. Moment of pride for me.

How I felt:

Overall, today was a great day. I had some moments, which I will share, that were challenging for me but they were distractions from my positive experience. My body feels so good and healthy and I am filled with energy. When I was getting dressed this morning, I took a close look at my face in the mirror and I cannot believe how great my skin looks. My face has lost a lot of its puffiness and my skin is pink and healthy, even without makeup on. I had been experiencing some breakouts on my face last month (nothing like perimenopausal acne) but now my skin is clear and glowing. Even my hair looks more lustrous. Of course, none of this should come as any surprise because I am eating great, drinking tons of water and taking supplements. My body is receiving optimal nutrients.

Physical Activity:

I got to the gym early again today, which afforded me some extra time with the weights. I did 60 minutes on the elliptical and, at last, the 60 minutes are only troubling because I am starting to get bored rather than tired. It is a great workout but I can easily do another 30 minutes if I had the time or the desire. I spent another 20-30 minutes doing arms and abs.  My elliptical workout was targeted to glutes today so I got a good lower body workout in too.

I was speaking today with my friend who originally turned me on to the cleanse to hear about her experience as she is now on Day 1 of re-entry. She finished up yesterday and, like me, she was fearing the return of foods that she had given up on the program. And, not surprisingly, she was reluctant to introduce much back into her diet. I was excited to hear her mindset because I suspect I will be similar. She did not rush out to drink wine or alcohol or enjoy the foods she missed because she really wasn’t missing any of it. I suspect I will be eliminating a lot of foods from my regular diet once I am done because I do not see them as necessary and I don’t want to derail my efforts. I feel so good and am looking so much better that I would rather live without than fall back into a place that was not very good for me. It’ll be interesting to see where my head is in 10 days.

Emotionally, I seem to have gotten used to my disconnect from Facebook.  In fact, this afternoon, my husband gave me a quick update of some things I had missed (some of which were quite funny) and I realized, as he was talking, that I have forgotten what it is like to participate in the Facebook banter. I am not sure that I really want to go back there either. I kind of like my freedom and anonymity. It has opened up room for other things in my life, like spending more time at the gym. A much healthier diversion.

As I continue to mention, I am extremely plugged into my emotions and how and when I crave food. Today, I got very angry about a situation I was dealing with. I was struggling to find an outlet for my anger and found myself walking around my kitchen looking to eat something. I wasn’t terribly hungry and I knew that I was trying to soothe myself. I pulled a container of lentil soup of the refrigerator and filled a cup and heated it up. I turned to my husband and admitted that I was emotionally eating. Admittedly, I did not have a big lunch but I did not need to eat at that moment. But I did. Sure, it is not the worst choice of comfort foods and was completely on the plan but I would have preferred to have not succumbed to the food at all. I wish I could have identified a better way to manage my feelings. Clearly, still a lot of work to be done there. I love Phyllis Diller’s approach in the quote above and wish I could be that intentional and focused about dealing with my anger. It definitely consumes me in many ways. This is not something that will be remedied in 21 days but I think I am taking some good first steps.

DAY NINE


your road

I have reached the point in the cleanse where I no longer care about eating. Now I eat because I have to. Because I’m so plugged into how my body feels, I’m acutely aware of the plummeting energy levels when I don’t eat. So, I’ve reached that wonderful point where I’m feeding my body food for energy. And, I love that. I was in the grocery store today replenishing some of my vegetables and I wandered around a bit, realizing that there was no place for me to go in the market outside of the produce section. It was a little bit disappointing but much more comforting because all temptation of snacks was off the table. I exited the store without the guilt or angst I sometimes feel when I have snuck in a treat for myself that I really have no business smuggling into the house.

What I consumed:

  • Cleanse Shake with strawberries, pineapple and banana
  • Baby carrots with guacamole
  • Sliced apples
  • Sweet potato with sea salt and pepper
  • Lentil soup
  • 6 dates
  • 19 gigantic supplement capsules
  • 64 oz water

How I felt:

Today was a good day. I felt energetic all day and was in a fairly upbeat mood, for the most part. I’m managing some big challenges and trying to stay focused on positivity. I did have therapy today, which helped to maintain my sanity. I sensed my therapist’s amusement at the random thoughts flying out of mouth, creating a verbal tennis match as I explained to her the myriad thought processes that I have been partaking in over the last week. This was the first time, outside of my blog, that I have had a chance to expel all that has been in my head and it felt really good to let it out!

My hunger pangs have diminished significantly and, overall, I feel healthy and fit. It is a nice feeling that I am not ready to let go of anytime soon.

Physical Activity:

I did not get a chance to make it to the gym today because of a very hectic work schedule and commitments with the kids. I gave myself the night off so I could do important tasks like folding the mountain of laundry that has piled up.

This afternoon I wandered into my husband’s office and looked at his computer screen which had Facebook opened. It felt like I was eyeing the forbidden fruit. There was a temptation to sneak on under his profile and see what was happening with my Facebook pals. I tiptoed over to his desk and, just as gingerly, backed away. I did not want to break the seal. I’m really proud of sticking to my commitment to stay off of Facebook during this cleanse. It’s still the biggest craving I have every day, especially when I have downtime and want to just mindlessly escape. Without access to Facebook, I continue to feel incredibly disconnected with what is going on around me. And, frankly, even admitting that makes me really sad because, as I have mentioned before, Facebook has become my main connection point to the world around me. Then again, maybe that is not all that terrible. I like the ability to catch up on what my friends are doing in a succinct manner. While it would be great if I could find time to text or call all the people I would like to, it’s simply not a luxury I can afford these days and scrolling through Facebook allows me to accomplish some of that quickly and easily. The part of this that actually is most disappointing is that my dependence on Facebook is directly correlated to how overworked I am and how little time I have to devote to tending to my personal life and my emotional gardening.

I was talking to my therapist about my Facebook hiatus and she commented that she expected I would return to dozens of friend requests. “Because that is how popular I imagine you are,” she smiled. I laughed because I know a lot of people assume that about me. In fact, I am one of those people who knows A LOT of people. Everyone assumes I know everyone because I travel in lots of different circles. But, in truth, I live on the peripherary of them all. I could not tell you the last party I was invited to or the last time anyone invited me out to dinner. Usually, I run into people and we smile and chat and that’s the extent of our connection. Or we banter on Facebook. Sure, I also have those friends with whom I share a more intimate relationship but those relationships usually exist primarily in the land of text messaging. Lots of text messaging. We should get together. I miss you. How ARE you? All genuine and heartfelt – and beginning and ending on the screen of my phone. I don’t, in reality, have that many friends and I often tend to isolate myself – especially when I am under stress. I wall myself off and keep everything on the inside. For, as extroverted as I am, when it comes to crisis, I tend to lock myself up in a hole and manage it independently.

When my therapist asked me about my experience with the cleanse (she clearly has not read my blog), I shared that being confronted with an array of emotions is good and bad and, really, all I wanted to do is curl up like a little kid and have someone take care of me. “I want my mommy,” I whimpered. Ironic, for many reasons, most importantly because my mom was never the kind of mother who would comfort me in that way. Yet, even though I never experienced that level of contentment with my mother, I know for certain that it is exactly what I need right now. I just need nurturing but, as usual, with the swarms of people I know, I can’t find a single person to help me out. Not because of them – that’s all on me.

I go back to therapy on Day 19. Let’s see if I just walk into her office and curl up in the fetal position. At this rate, it seems inevitable.