DAY SIXTEEN

take chances

I cannot believe how close to the end I am.  Just six more days and my new journey begins. Usually when I am doing an extreme program like this, by this point, I am counting down the minutes until the end. With this one, I am coasting to the finish line, not really looking forward to it being over. The restrictions offer me clear boundaries with far fewer decisions to make. The real challenge for me will come when the guardrails come down and I have to make difficult choices. I have gotten really comfortable with this lifestyle as it is and, while I’m cautiously optimistic that I have the strength and willpower to stay the course, I cannot say that I am not a bit nervous about life after the cleanse. But, it’s getting closer!

What I consumed:

  • Cleanse Shake with strawberries, bananas and pineapple
  • 5 dates
  • 20 carrots
  • Lentil soup
  • Salmon with mustard, lemon, dill and basil
  • Quinoa
  • Steamed cauliflower
  • 19 gigantic supplement capsules
  • 64 oz water

How I felt:

Last night, to combat my recent bout of sleeplessness, I took two ambien. Worked like a charm and I slept solidly until my son woke me at 6am. I’m continuing to feel great. My knee pain, which has been debilitating, has subsided a bit with the combination of some anti-inflammatory drugs and the ease on my joints that comes from not eating wheat.

Physical Activity:

I did a 5K on the elliptical in about 45 minutes. I am trying to mix it up a bit. I then did a 1000m row on the rowing machine. That was a nice change of pace and worked my shoulders and back in all kinds of wonderful ways. I also did some core work on the mats using a medicine ball. My abs are going to be screaming tomorrow!

I found this great quote today:

“Do not be afraid to color outside the lines. Take risks and do not be afraid to fail. Know that when the world knocks you down, the best revenge is to get up and continue forging ahead. Do not be afraid to be different or to stand up for what’s right. Never quiet your voice to make someone else feel comfortable. No one remembers the person that fits in. It’s the one who stands out that people will not be able to forget.”
― Nancy Arroyo Ruffin, Letters to My Daughter: A Collection of Short Stories and Poems about Love, Pride, and Identity

I love this quote for a lot of reasons. First, it made me think about how many years I desperately tried to blend into the wallpaper, never wanting anyone to see what made me different. Between looking different, having a different type of family and just feeling like an oddball, I wanted anything but to stand out. It also made me think about my children who as a teen and preteen are deep in the struggle of trying to find their own identities while still trying to fit in. For me, I have circled the sun enough times to be comfortable with who I am and I can confidently live out loud. For my kids, it pains me to see how much time and energy is put into wearing the right clothes, going to the right parties, thinking the right thoughts. Even though they are both fairly confident and independent minded, they get sucked up into the group think that is characteristic of middle school.

When I was in middle school, I didn’t have a fraction of the confidence that my children have and, as a result, I hid. Even as an adult, because of my lack of upbringing and lack of sophistication, I gingerly stepped through life, watching what others were doing around me to ensure that I was making the right moves. But, as is said, with age comes wisdom and now I can make my own choices and not care about how others view me. As long as my decisions do not hurt anyone else, I am free to live my life in any way that makes sense for me. And, I love that about myself. I am not afraid to color outside the lines, step out of the boundaries, be different, think different. I am quietly rebellious. I don’t want to look like everyone else and I definitely don’t want to think like everyone else because I believe that my quirkiness is what makes me special and interesting.

But how do you teach that to an 11 year-old or a 14 year-old who are in the throes of peer pressure? When my teenager shared with us his commitment to not smoke or do drugs, I beamed. And I prayed that he could maintain the ability to resist the unending temptation coming his way. My younger son, who regularly proclaims his disdain for the boys who all have to wear the same sneakers, will undoubtedly be dragging us to the store to buy the latest and greatest by the time he hits 7th grade. i’ve come to learn it’s the rite of passage.

I often think about how, after I am gone, people will eulogize me. What will they say to describe me? What will be the one characteristic that will universally recalled? About six years ago, I participated in a workshop where we had to choose two words to describe our personal brand. Back then, the best I could come up with was funny and smart. When I finished the workshop, the words I strived for were courageous and inspiring. It set me on a path of intention. I no longer needed to be seen as the funny girl or the smart one. I wanted my legacy to be someone who took risks and lived life bravely. Even though I struggle to accept it when people call me brave, I recognize that I have fulfilled my objective. I fearlessly navigate my life, knowing that the best rewards come from taking the greatest risks. Maybe it is easier for me because I never had the luxury of getting too comfortable (although we can even find comfort in constantly being uncomfortable) but I’ll give myself more credit. I really am not afraid to raise my hand and step forward and share my truth. I am usually the first to volunteer and the last to concur. I’ll share my secrets and be unforgiving in my relentless for my passions. I don’t need to follow the crowd for I am perfectly comfortable walking all alone. All of this makes me really happy. And really damn proud of myself.

When I look at my kids, I get pretty pumped up too. Sure, they are products of us and embody all the love and nurturing we offer them but they are fierce in their own right. I have never worried about my children being wallflowers. I have never feared that they would get lost in the pack. They have two very distinctive voices and, in the way that suits them, they make themselves heard. I look forward to seeing who they are and how they show up in their lives once they get past the horrible years of adolescence. I am inspired by them as I see them guiding me, never feeling hamstrung or fearful of pushing boundaries. Our job is to continue to teach them how to respectfully stand apart and be the amazing and unforgettable people they are.

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