As writers, we all find ourselves blocked at one time or another. We become disconnected from our words, incapable of stringing together a sentence to help express the thoughts, ideas and images that float endlessly in our heads. The block can last for hours, days, weeks or even months. Some writers suffer blocks for years that creates a profoundly deep internal turmoil. For me, I have never had a supremely long block….until now. It has been about two months since I have been able to get my thoughts out and, even now, I am struggling to find ways to illicit prose that will be worthy of writing, no less reading.
Fortunately, I found some inspiration. I managed to travel outside my own head and look beyond the gates of my mental prison. I spent some time reading someone else’s writing which evoked thoughts of my own and the transition back to creativity began in earnest. I found words popping up in my mind and gravitating towards others that became sentences that became full-blown meaningful ideas. And, like the heavy rains that have recently filled our reservoirs to capacity, my drought began to ebb.
For these past few months I have been struggling to articulate what has been happening to me. I have searched for ways to give meaning to the immense shift taking place. Like tectonic plates, the movement is slow but the impact is great. I have known that this experience is shaping the next chapter of my life and, if harnessed properly, would offer me a strong foundation. I have been trying to express the roller coaster of emotions that I have been managing so bravely.
One of the guiding principles in my life is that nothing happens by accident. I believe we have certain controls over our destinies and, when used properly, this control can help guide us to the outcomes we need. We do not always have the outcomes we want but, often, we are led into situations that are precisely what we need when we need them. And, it is important that even in those moments when we feel disappointed or saddened at the circumstances, we look closely and understand WHY we are where we are rather than focusing in our disappointment. There are messages being communicated to us and, if we pay attention, they will enable us to take great leaps forward.
I have not lived a perfect life by any means and, while I have a strong moral compass and work tirelessly to always do right by the people around me, I know that I have made more than my share of mistakes. I have hurt people, let them down, made bad choices and journeyed down roads that I probably should have avoided. I have always been accountable for my actions and asked for forgiveness and, I live a life that is mostly free of regret. I understand that, not only cannot I go backwards in time and change the past, but also much of what looks to be like negative moments in my life has led to important outcomes. Not every time but lots of times. And, it is only with the fine perspective of hindsight that I am able to see this with acute clarity.
Recently, I had a truly divine revelation. I stumbled upon this, unsuspecting that a big shift in my thinking was underway. I had an oddly coincidental experience. In fact, it was the second oddly coincidental experience which indicated to me that perhaps a pattern was forming. The experiences were related to people in my life past and present. Two people who have played similar roles in my life but have absolutely no connection to one another. The most recent event left me marveling because it was so amazingly coincidental that it was almost too hard to believe. And, that was the indication that it was important. And, again, not believing in coincidence, I decided it was time to do a little bit of research. The details of the coincidences are almost irrelevant because they were just symbols for me to learn from. The deeper understanding of what was happening in my life was the important part. I shared these stories with my therapist whose face lit up as she danced in her chair. “You’re experiencing synchronicity!” This was the second time in as many months that she had made this declaration. Yes, it was a pattern.
The concept of synchronicity was first described by Swiss psychologist Carl Jung in the 1920s. He described it as “the experience of two or more events as meaningfully related, where they are unlikely to be casually related.” Those experiencing synchronicity often see the experiences as meaningful coincidences. Synchronicity was a principle that Jung felt gave conclusive evidence for his concepts of archetypes and the collective unconscious, in that it was descriptive of a governing dynamic that underlay the whole of human experience and history — social, emotional, psychological, and spiritual.
Whoa. A whole lot to process indeed. But, when broken down, it is simple. There are messages coming to us all the time helping to guide us and provide understanding. Some of these are synchronistic events or occurrences that should not necessarily merely be written off as coincidence but, rather, as bearing light.
After I spent some time reading and researching synchronicity, I felt a calm come over me. It certainly did not explain everything in my life and it did not soothe my wounds but, like many other principles that guide us through our lives like faith, morality and wisdom, it provided me with a sense of clarity. I knew my objective was to dig deeper into the specific synchronistic occurrences because there was an important message in both of them that would help lead me towards a direction I needed to head in. I also recognized that it was time to start paying closer attention. I learned that synchronicity is all around us if we pay attention. And, while I usually pay close attention to the small things that take place, I often lack the confidence to believe in my instincts. I question myself regardless of how profound the parallels might be. I dismiss them as silly and ethereal.
So, now I am paying attention and it is truly extraordinary to see how the information presents itself to me. It is as if I have cleared out a space in my brain, carved a lane where this information can freely flow and I can process the experiences and events of my life in a safe space, allowing me to extract the vitamin-rich juices that will expand my understanding and allow me to derive both knowledge and comfort. The journey I have been traveling on has not changed all that much but I have a much more dynamic road map.
I have come to understand some important truths about myself which belies a lot of what I previously believed to be true. With confidence and consciousness comes understanding. With confidence and consciousness comes clarity. I have found myself to be equal parts content and angry. I have allowed myself to explore deep recesses of myself to know myself authentically. Rather than shield even me from the painful aspects of my being, I have put them on full display for me – and only me – to observe and analyze and it is a liberating experience. I have let go of ideals and idols that do not fit my truth. And, as with everything in my life, I struggle. And I grow. And I fall backwards. And I am confused. And I am euphoric because, at the end of the day, I know I am being truthful and accepting the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the ups and the downs and trusting myself above all else.
And now, I hope, the rivers of creativity will once again flow and my story will resume.